Poor Lanma. We knew him well.
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We'd like to thank you for coming.
Ryoga: Curse this horrible tragedy that has been bestowed on our poor friend, Ranma. There were so many people who liked him, but I was not one of them. I was proud to announce that I had finally defeated him up until the point in which I felt bed for making him leave all the people he knew.

Why am I reading at his funeral? Why indeed? I don't know. Maybe because I was his rival. But after all that rivalry and hatered, I really have only him to thank for making my life the way it is. So I thank you, Ranma Saotome. Thank you for helping me find my love, Mousse, who is not my brother. *Ryoga steps off the podium and everyone wipes tears from their eyes and set Lanma's coffin into the hole and start the fill it up.*


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WHAT?! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!?!?! GRRR!! That angers me to beyond my boiling point! Okay, maybe it doesn't. I'll tell you since...um...well...I know! Since you sacrificed your cigerettes to Chipmunk Santa! HURRAH!!

Here's what happened:


Lanma was being a content little man at a concert. It was his turn to sing!! So he got up on the stage and started singing but Ryoga constantly splashed him with water so he turned back and forth from a boy to a girl to a boy to a girl and so on.

Finally, at the end, Lanma just EXPLODED!! He exploded into two and sang the rest of his song as a boy AND a girl. When he finished his song, he realized how attractive his female self was so he forgot about his four other finacees and married himself since they had SO much in common.

Ryoga seized his opportunity and approached Akane. "WILL YOU MARRY ME?!" he asked desperately.

"No, I'm sorry Ryoga, I still love Ranma!!" Akane said as tears flowed down her face.

"IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU THEN NO ONE CAN!!" Ryoga declared as he tore Akane into two pieces. But not all gory like but just as if she were some piece of paper.

So then Ryoga was angry and went on the rampage. He decided that he could never again be happy with any other woman so he killed any other woman that tried to get close to him. Then he went into hiding.

Meanwhile, Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi were grieving over the fact that they could no longer fight for Lanma's love. And then at that point, Ukyo declared that she was actually a he. Everyone was taken aback by this statement but then they fainted when she revealed even further that she was going out with her best friend, Charlie Bucket.

Mousse just so happen to come strutting by. He saw Shampoo on the ground and ran over to her. Since he's a little dense, he didn't think to check her pulse and he thought she was dead. Mousse figured that he should no longer hide it so buried both Shampoo and Kodachi!!

Mousse got so depressed that he went into hiding as well. Little did he know that he went into hiding in the SAME place that Ryoga went into.

Meanwhile, Kuno was EXTREMELY depressed. His sister had been buried alive, one of his loves had perished and his other love had married that scumbag Lanma!! So he went about sulking like there was no tomorra until he came across Kasumi. He fell in love with her and the two eloped.

Tendo was sad about this because he had just lost two of his daughters and one potential son/daughter-in-law. So he lied in bed, deathly ill. Nabiki was becoming neglected so she went into the other room to find Genma packing to leave since he really had no reason to stay. They started talking when suddenly they realized that they a lot more in common than they thought so they went off and got married.

Tendo died.

Dr. Tofu thought of his beloved Kasumi and...he withered away to a skeleton and forever roamed the halls of Furinkan High.

Pantyhose Taro decided that he needed an education so he went to school. When he saw Dr. Tofu as a skeleton, he got so scared that he turned white as a ghost. Actually, he BECAME a ghost!! Then he and Dr. Tofu talked and Pantyhose Taro confessed to really being a female. So those two got married.

Colonge and Happosai fell into the Spring of Drowned Bird/Human Creature. But nothing really changed. They fell in love since they look the same and got married.

The Jensenkyo guide was so scared that he died.

Azusa and Mikado skated off into the sunset. But the sun melt the ice and they fell in the water. The water was really a Junsenkyo spring and it was the spring of the most tragic...THE SPRING OF DROWNED JYOU!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Then they got married because they were both Jyou. Then they jumped off a cliff as if they were Romeo and Juliet. (Let's just pretend that Romeo and Juliet jumped off a cliff)

Meanwhile, Ryoga and Mousse were talking and getting to know each other better. Then, they resurfaced to see the world the way it was.

Male Lanma and Female Lanma approached them. Female Lanma had unfortunately become deathly ill because of the loss of just about everyone who exsisted. Male Lanma begged for help from Mousse and Ryoga since he could not find Dr. Tofu.

Mousse and Ryoga agreed and operated on Female Lanma. She didn't not make it.

Male Lanma was so sad. So to cheer him up, Mousse told him that he was really a girl! This cheered Male Lanma up so much that he asked Mousse to marry him. Then Ryoga got mad because he knew Mousse better than Male Lanma. So they engaged in a fight to the death.

Mousse had fallen in love with Ryoga so just when Male Lanma was going to push Ryoga off a cliff, Mousse used HER special little moves and saved him. Ryoga jumped behind Male Lanma and hit him in the Breaking Point and he blew up even though Colonge said he wouldn't.

Mousse and Ryoga had a grand wedding and attended Male Lanma's funeral. Colonge and Happosai came back to go to the funeral and Ryoga was enraged.

"YOU SAID THE BREKAING POINT DIDN'T WORK ON HUMANS!!" yelled Ryoga. He got so angry that he hit Colonge's breaking point. Happosai got so depressed that he exploded.

People who attended Male Lanma's funeral: Mousse, Ryoga, Ukyo, Charlie Bucket, Genma, Nabiki, Kasumi and Kuno.


That's how it happened. That's how Male Lanma perished. THE END!!
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